Sometimes, we all go out together and that's a big help...Kraig is a wonderful help. But sometimes, when I go, I don't take Rett with me or Kraig. They get to stay home and spend some time together. I'm so thankful that Kraig loves to hang out with him and be a positive example to him.
But I have noticed, especially that last few times that I went out...I miss Rett. I miss lugging the diaper bag and the stroller and everything else that comes with us when Rett goes out. It has really been frustrating me because sometimes I just need a minute to refresh myself and have time to recoup from the day. So, why am I missing him?
I am a minimalist...I like to think that anyway. I like things to be made as easy as possible. I like to carry as little as possible. So, to miss all of that stuff was real aggravating.
Then, I got to thinking...well...all of that STUFF that we tote along with Rett is important to making life easier when we go out. We need snacks, diapers, extra clothes, stroller...we need it all or else it would make for an unhappy time if we have an unexpected situation. All of those things are a part of my body when we go out. They are extra "limbs" to make things easier. I don't know if this is making sense. But to me...this was a huge breakthrough.
Although sometimes, I do just need a minute. I miss my extra "limbs." I miss Rett coming along and getting to experience what I am doing or meeting new people.
Again, this is big for me because for a long time, I didn't want to experience all of the baby-dom...I enjoyed the quiet life we lived. So, to add a baby to all of this has rocked my world. And as much as I have enjoyed being a mom and figuring it out....I am really experiencing it now. I am starting to take it all in. I am realizing that I need all of those extra things sometimes. I know Rett will make life hard sometimes but at the same time...he makes life fun and exciting...along with all of the things we need for him.
But...this is a big BUT! When I go out...I can also understand where I could be identified by all of those "limbs." I think to some degree that is why I miss those things. And that is not what I want at all. I am loving this age right now...and where we are in life....but I do not want to be identified by Rett or what we do. I don't want to have to have all those things with me for people to take me seriously or treat me differently because I have Rett. Again, I don't know if this makes sense....but what I do want is to be identified by what the Lord is doing in my life. I want people to see His love and grace through me and how Kraig and I raise our son.
I realize we are only about 10 months in and I also realize this will probably be a struggle for years to come but my prayer is that I can see the difference in the limbs that make things easier and rather seek to live in the teachable moments for Rett, that he can experience Christ rather than things, that he won't seek "limbs" but to seek what's important through Christ. I pray that both Kraig and I can be patient and learn how to be the best parents, that we won't need the extra limbs to be important but to lean on His love to figure out how to do this whole parenting thing.
I really don't have this parenting thing figured out but for me...this was a great breakthrough. I am now aware of this desire to be identified by Rett and now, I can work on focusing on being identified by the Lord.